The Great Unicorn Poop Cookie Disaster

A couple years ago, while looking for a rainy-day activity to do with the kiddo, I came across a recipe for “unicorn poop cookies.” Which sounds disgusting, but is actually just colored sugar cookie dough shaped like, well, poop. Needless to say, they were a huge hit with my son. So when his birthday rolled around this week and we were thinking about treats to pass out to his classmates at school, guess what he requested?

1st batch

Now, these are not easy cookies to make. You don’t just mix up the dough, plop ’em onto a cookie sheet and bake for 10 minutes. You’ve got to first make the sugar cookie dough, then divide it and color each batch. You let it all firm up in the fridge for awhile, THEN you have to roll each color out into thin ropes, combine them, twist, cut and coil to make them look like rainbow poops. It’s a tedious and time-consuming process.

But, the things we do for our kids, right? My son was actually at his dad’s house, which left this whole endeavor solidly on MY shoulders. Aiming to work ahead, I mixed up all the dough the night before, figuring I’d simply roll out the cookies and bake them off the morning of and be finished in plenty of time to take them to school by 11:30. Well. You know what they say about the best-laid plans…


I have to say, my dough LOOKED beautiful! The colors came out super vibrant, almost like Play-Dough — bright red, blue, green, yellow and purple, and I was excited to see them come together in the finished product. However. When I tried to roll them out, I realized I must have used too much flour because they refused to cooperate and crumbled in my hands. After 30 minutes of trying to roll out one decent rope with no success, I nearly broke into tears.

With two hours until lunchtime (and because I’m apparently crazy), I decided to whip up a new batch on the fly using a different recipe and going a little lighter on the flour measurement. There was no time for the dough to chill, but fortunately, it rolled out like magic! Boom! The cookies did flatten out while baking more than I had anticipated, and they didn’t taste as good as the previous batches I’d made, but at least they were passable. If nothing else, I was all set to tell the kids they were rainbow, tie-dyed sugar cookies. Hope renewed, I worked right up to the buzzer, with the last batch of cookies coming out of the oven about 10 minutes before I had to pack them to transport the few blocks to school.

2nd batch

I had just long enough to send a friend a message lamenting the whole fiasco, who pointed out that her daughters’ school doesn’t allow parents to bring in homemade treats for birthdays. Only wrapped, packaged or store-bought items. Something that hadn’t even crossed my mind.

I thought about just winging it, taking in my treats and either playing dumb or begging for an exception. But, figuring better safe than sorry, I called over to my son’s school to ask what the policy is. And sure enough. The fruits of my labors were strictly forbidden. You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me. Soundly defeated, I rushed to Taylor’s Bakery for two dozen yellow and pink bunny-shaped sugar cookies and got to school only 5 minutes late for lunch.

The bunny cookies went over well with my son’s classmates. My son, on the other hand, took one look in the box and told me he really didn’t want any anyway.


EPILOGUE: I took the cookies to my son’s birthday party the following day; they were a HUGE hit with the 10-and-under crowd.